Sometimes I wish I could give it all up
Other times I wish I was smarter. If college taught me anything is that I’m dumb. As far as life goes, I really shouldn’t have anything to complain about though. I have great people in my life and that in itself should make life worth living. Though I don’t know if that’s what I should base my life off of. I mean what if I try my hardest to make them happy but don’t succeed? I would basically have nothing to live for.
I think this basically defines my life at the moment. I don’t have anything to live for really. I have given up on myself and my future in a way. I suppose my main reason for living now is to make those around me happy. That’s essentially my backup plan for life. That’s the backup plan for giving up on yourself. However, no matter how hard I try this backup plan will fail.
The people I care about will most likely care about me in return. If they cared about me they wouldn’t want me giving up on myself and would be hurt if I did. So essentially this plan is a failure in the making. Now the real question is where to go from here? I don’t have plan C and I don’t really know where to go after you’ve given up on yourself and after you realize that you can’t really live to make your loved ones happy.
The only solution would be to not give up on yourself but I don’t know how to do that. And so I am here in this current point in time aimlessly wandering and trying to figure things out. Never really fixing myself and never really having any kind of goal or purpose in life…